It is a rare occurrence for me to feel this low. It came unexpectedly as I woke up feeling physically weak. I decided to sit in front of the TV (which is another very rare occurrence) and quite by chance watched "Fern Britton meets Gregory Porter". She was interviewing this American Jazz Singer whose words about faith for Jesus and love for his amazing mother captivated me. Every so often I completely burst into tears. Surprised at my reaction I decided to sit with myself and become really intimate with whatever has been triggered by what was in front of me.
One of my immediate points of reflection is "what legacy do we leave behind". What legacy am I leaving behind? And my tears come from knowing that there is still so much potential in me that has not yet flourished. Do you feel the same? This is the moment for change. There is no more chance for postponing life. Life is now and it's zest needs to be squeezed, tasted, explored, lived and most of all; shared! This amazing human being that sings with pure love in his heart talked throughout the program about his mum being such a source of inspiration. I believe I have done well on that front and that fills me with contentment. Our children really are a legacy to the world if we do our work correctly.
Being a mother is my first mission. It will always be. Oh but there is so much more to be done out there! So here, in this sofa, I feel I want to surrender to my mother, my source. If this sounds strange to you, I am referring simply to a higher power, in whatever form seems sacred to you. Gregory Porter's song are a representation of his surrender to the energy of love and Jesus. That is his strength.
I have experienced in the past that out of total surrender new seeds truly flourish. I promise to myself to be a woman that will flourish so much. What will be my legacy? What will be yours? So a prayer from the Upanishad comes to the rescue:
Om sahanaa vavatu / Sahanau bhunaktu / Saha veeryam karavaa vahai / Tejasvi naa vadhee tamastu/ maa vidvishaa vahai Om Shaanti Shaanti Shaantihi
Translation: May he protect us both (the teacher and the student). May he nourish us both.
May we create strength among one another.
May our study be enlightening and fruitful. May we not hate each other. Om Peace, Peace, Peace.
So, in growing and evolving we all need to support each other. This is what life is teaching me at the moment.